I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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