While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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