If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
