She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
