i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i now understand why vodka
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
