He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
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Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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