I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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