people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
