Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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