wanna go halves on a baby?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
