After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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