I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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