I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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