We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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