We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
