as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
