Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
