Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
