New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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