i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i wish my penis had a tongue
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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