There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She announced her abortion via fbk
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
