I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
