listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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