i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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