smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
