and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
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