yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
