I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
