In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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