im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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