Sry I called you an 8
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
