The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
