I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
