He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
