I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
