I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
