I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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