Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
