STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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