um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
