I met the friendliest cop last night
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
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i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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