I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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