Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
