Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
