Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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