if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
