I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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