Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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