Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
bring money and cleavage
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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