where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
