Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
How external is "for external use only"?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
