what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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