After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
