I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
