TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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