Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
