Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Need sex. Gaining weight.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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